Friday, March 6, 2015

Maybe tomorrow . . .

Health. . . how important is it? My answer has changed so much over my lifetime and I'm not even that old. Health, love or money? Which one is the most important to you? I remember when I was young, my answer was always love. Always. And guess what? It still is. I've experienced some health issues this year. I've felt very helpless and useless, but I had someone to love me through it all. Even if my husband wasn't able to solve any problems for me, he was still able to act sympathetic. Sometimes that's all I needed.  I also had my kids to love. Loving others always gives me a constant reason to try to get better. So, I guess love still tops my list because if I were healthy and had no one to love, life would have no purpose or happiness for me. I'd rather die than have to live in a world where I didn't see good things in people every day.
As we have lived in different countries, my husband has often asked that question about health, love or money. Different cultures have different answers and at first I judged others for their choice of money over love. "How shallow!" I would think. But, now I understand that I know little of poverty. I've seldom been hungry and never been starving. If I had experienced those things early on, maybe my outlook wouldn't be so romantic. Perhaps it is an American trait to think that love can conquer all.
I think it can for some people, but definitely not for all.

It's 75 degrees in Los Angeles. The sun is shining, there is a light breeze and I want to go to the beach sooooooooooooooooooooo bad. But, my two little ones are sick and contagious. I know the beach will still be there tomorrow and the next day and the next, but I still get impatient. I've always been an impatient person. I've always had a list in my head of everything I've wanted to accomplish. Anyone that gets in my way frustrates me. Now that I have kids, I have to be patient. I can't bulldoze them like I would other people in my path. So, here I sit, resigned to the fact that I must wait, that today is not the day to bask in the warm California sun. It's not the day to splash in the water with my awkward and spazzy kids. And it's not the day to force my snotty, grumpy babies out of the house for pleasures that only I seek.

Maybe tomorrow I'll thank my babies for being sick because I actually sat down on the couch for a few minutes and watched TV with them. I got to feel their warmth next to me as they absorbed useless crap from the media. I got to look at their sweet faces for more than two seconds. I got to listen to Hector improvise on the piano and Helen read "Brown Bear Brown Bear What do You See" in her cute low voice as I typed away on the computer. I got to feel the stress of having kids in the house all day and fortunately I had an Almond Joy chocolate bar in the cupboard to save me.

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