Monday, August 18, 2014

When you're talkin to yourself, and nobody's home . . .-Gun's N' Roses

         I sure hope my husband returns safely from his nerdy Greek learning adventure aka summer vacation. I know he's working hard learning all those tenses and moods and crap, and he's working his butt off as an online TA for helpless undergraduate UCLA students but he also gets to go traipsing around old Macedonia thinking he's like Alexander the Great or Philip of Macedon or someone else special from history with a whole bunch of other nerdy folk from all over the world. I'm sure you're thinking, "Man, he's lucky. He must be having so much fun!" Well, he's not. He misses us sooooooooo much. He can't go a few minutes without thinking of me or the kids. Gosh, he even sees a dragonfly and thinks of me. I'm glad he misses us a ton because he's got these adorable kids to provide for. I suppose I could "ponerme las pilas" (get my butt in gear) and manage on my own, but my kids would miss out on a lot of things. For example, the best homemade chicken soup ever. I'd never have the time to put such effort into cooking if I had to work a full time job.
       My aunt Robyn bought me this state of the art pressure cooker three or four years ago. She always buys high quality things and since she has no kids of her own, I think she buys them for me and my sister-in-law because she wants us to have an easier time as stay at home moms. Well, I'm not sure if there is such a thing as a stay at home mom anymore, really. All moms go out of the house. Well, there is this one friend I have that rarely goes out of the house. I wonder if she'll read this post. She didn't even have a TV when she had her first baby. After her first was born, she took up playing jacks and other such wholesome games. She would be happy if her husband would do the grocery shopping for her. Her husband had a truck for his business but she remained carless for many years, until the size of their family made it unsafe for her to be carless. She now has six kids. I think the only reason she goes out of her house and yard is to give her kids things they need. School, extra-curricular activities, church, etc. I guess there are some mothers that can find pleasure in only staying at home.  I do not have that talent.
      I am going through a transition right now in my life. My children are leaving me. My youngest is not three years old and she is going to full time day care. I never thought I would be the kind of mother that would willingly put my kid in daycare. I'm not even working! The hitch is that because my husband is affiliated with UCLA, I am a full time student, and we're dirt poor that we get free slots in this childcare facility that is really quite nice. So, my reasoning is that in order to give my children a better future by making myself useful for the workforce, I will give up the sweetest years of my two youngest babies to other caregivers. Am I doing the right thing? Not sure yet. It all depends on me and how well I use my time. I could work out at the gym and go window shopping, read other people's blogs and hang with friends. I actually cancelled my membership to the gym a few months ago so that this wouldn't happen to me. Once I would get in the gym I would kind of linger there a little too long. The over exertion of my muscles felt so good. I would get antsy if I didn't make it to the gym every other day. I didn't like the thought, "What if my car breaks down and I can't go to the gym and then my muscles deteriorate?" I also didn't like walking out of the gym after two hours. What a waste of time! Sure, it was very relaxing for me when I was taking care of my kids all day, but really . . . what a waste of time! As for window shopping, that's not a worry for me. I would do that once a year, maybe. Reading other people's blogs? I used to do that. But I think I'm too out of touch with my friends that keep blogs that I wouldn't even know where to look. I do remember feeling super depressed after reading some people's blogs though. Usually people I wasn't very close to. Their kids were always too clean and perfect and their experiences so unattainable. How could I ever compare to that perfection? So I stopped and started school again. I read very fascinating stuff now. I notice different things now when I'm out in the world. I'm glad I've gone back to school. My advice for anyone who thinks they're in a rut in life: go take a class. Any class. You will notice new things, different things, and you will think less about your rut in life. Hanging with friends. . . well, the friend scene is different now that I'm older. Friends become situational unless they are long time friends. I actually try to schedule time for friends now. If I don't do that, I won't have friends in my life. My husband just told me about this librarian that he met in Thessaloniki, Greece. "The librarian who helped me was very kind but also very odd. He was handicapped and couldn't move his left leg. He had to hobble about the library and I would reach all the papers for him because he had difficulty stretching his body. As I was working, he would sometimes talk to himself. I think he was lonely but when other employees would come down to the basement he would talk to them with such excitement. It would be difficult to work down there because it was so hot, stuffy, and quiet. He didn't have much of a view from the basement windows and there was no way to get any fresh air in that little dungeon. It was a nice experience and I'm glad I found some interesting things." The librarian reminded me of how I would probably be if I didn't make any effort to connect with friends. I think my husband included this experience in his email to me to warn me that if I isolate myself from the world I will probably end up talking to myself in the presence of others. 
      So, to sum up the stellar points in this post:
  • It's nice to have a breadwinner in the family.
  • My pressure cooker is pretty cool and I'd be sad if it broke.
  • Think carefully about sending your young ones to daycare. 
  • School is good for people who think their lives suck.
  • Try to maintain regular friendships so you don't end up talking to yourself.


Kevin said...

Great post! Now I feel less than for reading other peoples' blogs ;)


Lindsay RC Wilson said...

Haha, I am reading your blog. It's funny because I just don't have much time for blogs anymore, also why I can't keep mine up (well, that and all of our technology is breaking down and needs replacing, but it isn't in the current budget). Leoni has been sick the past 5 days, so we have been stuck in the house and going stir crazy, and I thought, "Hmm, I'm going to read some blogs. haven't done that in ages." Well, Evidently, I don't think I have done it for over a year (probably after to hot hot summer subsided and I could get out of the house with little ones last fall). Anyway, I am impressed you keep things up despite your busy schedule, and I enjoy reading your thoughts even if it is infrequently. And, yeah, I should make more of an effort in keeping friendships.