I am going through a transition right now in my life. My children are leaving me. My youngest is not three years old and she is going to full time day care. I never thought I would be the kind of mother that would willingly put my kid in daycare. I'm not even working! The hitch is that because my husband is affiliated with UCLA, I am a full time student, and we're dirt poor that we get free slots in this childcare facility that is really quite nice. So, my reasoning is that in order to give my children a better future by making myself useful for the workforce, I will give up the sweetest years of my two youngest babies to other caregivers. Am I doing the right thing? Not sure yet. It all depends on me and how well I use my time. I could work out at the gym and go window shopping, read other people's blogs and hang with friends. I actually cancelled my membership to the gym a few months ago so that this wouldn't happen to me. Once I would get in the gym I would kind of linger there a little too long. The over exertion of my muscles felt so good. I would get antsy if I didn't make it to the gym every other day. I didn't like the thought, "What if my car breaks down and I can't go to the gym and then my muscles deteriorate?" I also didn't like walking out of the gym after two hours. What a waste of time! Sure, it was very relaxing for me when I was taking care of my kids all day, but really . . . what a waste of time! As for window shopping, that's not a worry for me. I would do that once a year, maybe. Reading other people's blogs? I used to do that. But I think I'm too out of touch with my friends that keep blogs that I wouldn't even know where to look. I do remember feeling super depressed after reading some people's blogs though. Usually people I wasn't very close to. Their kids were always too clean and perfect and their experiences so unattainable. How could I ever compare to that perfection? So I stopped and started school again. I read very fascinating stuff now. I notice different things now when I'm out in the world. I'm glad I've gone back to school. My advice for anyone who thinks they're in a rut in life: go take a class. Any class. You will notice new things, different things, and you will think less about your rut in life. Hanging with friends. . . well, the friend scene is different now that I'm older. Friends become situational unless they are long time friends. I actually try to schedule time for friends now. If I don't do that, I won't have friends in my life. My husband just told me about this librarian that he met in Thessaloniki, Greece. "The librarian who helped me was very kind but also very odd. He was handicapped and couldn't move his left leg. He had to hobble about the library and I would reach all the papers for him because he had difficulty stretching his body. As I was working, he would sometimes talk to himself. I think he was lonely but when other employees would come down to the basement he would talk to them with such excitement. It would be difficult to work down there because it was so hot, stuffy, and quiet. He didn't have much of a view from the basement windows and there was no way to get any fresh air in that little dungeon. It was a nice experience and I'm glad I found some interesting things." The librarian reminded me of how I would probably be if I didn't make any effort to connect with friends. I think my husband included this experience in his email to me to warn me that if I isolate myself from the world I will probably end up talking to myself in the presence of others.
So, to sum up the stellar points in this post:
- It's nice to have a breadwinner in the family.
- My pressure cooker is pretty cool and I'd be sad if it broke.
- Think carefully about sending your young ones to daycare.
- School is good for people who think their lives suck.
- Try to maintain regular friendships so you don't end up talking to yourself.