Sunday, August 17, 2008

Atticus and Shermie in our Provo home.
I am pondering the passage of time. One year has passed since we left Provo, Utah. We spent four happy years there. I never thought I would love it there. I thought it would be like it's name. Boring. Instead it was a place that eased the role of becoming a mother. A place that was slow and easygoing. A place where everything was accessible. A place where I could find my kind of people, whichever they might be. A place where I could buy cheap, brightly colored tablecloths for my dining room table. A place where people would forgive my lack of interest in interior design. A place where I grew. A place where I learned I never wanted to be a landlord again. A place where I graduated from college. A place where I began to feel old. A place where I went on at least 200 dates with my husband. A place where I was grateful to be married. A place where I got lazy. A place where I thought I lived the good life.
Now I'm somewhere else. I'm bouncing around this massive city trying to find my place. As I watch the feathery clouds race by at night I can feel the tension. My life will take off, or has it already and I just haven't realized it. Why do I dream and aspire to so much? Too much. Too much that failure is always present. I wasn't made to aim low just to reach my goal. What is my goal? What are they?
Presently I hear a voice saying, "I'm waiting, I'm waiting, I'm waiting Mommy. I'm waiting for you to come and play with me," as he moves his wooden train along it's tracks with his round head tilted downward. Gotta go!


Lisa said...

Hi Christine! Thanks for finding me! I would LOVE to be blog friends. I have spent quite a while reading your blog tonight and am seriously amazed...I don't think I could do what you are doing in a country SO foreign. I also echo so many of your thoughts and feelings...there is something about being so far from home that seems to make me more introspective and thoughtful as to what I want out of life! If you are ever in Belgium's direction, I hope you'll let me know. Can't wait to keep in touch!

Taranani said...

Sista you sound homesick, but for Pruooovooo ew, kidding. Sorry I have been a weak blog pal. I have shit going on. Oh no did I pollute your pure blog. Just thought I would try it out just once don't worry. We Dryg kids think the same, aiming high and hoping for but not expecting much. Johnathan's parents stopped by with the treats Gram, Rob and K say thank you me too that drink was good Isaiah nicked it before I could get a try. Marathon is off for me, at least if my knee continues like it is when I do my running. I feel very tired of life right now probably cause of exhaustion I will be better in the morning. I just dread when I get to the point when I feel tired of life when I wake up and it is a new day. That would be cause to worry for me I think. When you say tension do you mean Russian tension? McCain just smoked Obama in a show down style debate thing. We are doing pretty good at the Olympics and starting another cold war and inciting another communist resurgence. I better get to bed talk to you later sis love you.

Taranani said...

Just so we're clear about who has the potty mouth in the family, that was Cameron. He needs to sign in under his own name while polluting the web with his language. Sorry you are missing Utah! Even though North is better than south (ie SLC/Davis county better than Provo.) We miss you too. Ali keeps writing you letters. She was happy to see Jonathan's parents stop by, but devastated to hear you wont be home for Christmas. Just come home for Christmas, and live with us until the summer. Time will fly. Turkey, Schmurkey. Anyway, check out our new entry if you haven't we actually wrote something. Amazing I know. Take care! Love ya,
This if from Alexandra...
I've been looking for some money to give to you so you can come home sooner. I can't give it to you yet, until I find it. Oh, and I am a Lion now. You can call me Kiara from now on. I have really been practicing my roar. Sorry I can't give you money right now, my Mom and Dad are really poor. What is your phone number. I want to call you and talk to you and Atticus and Shermie and Cinci. I Can teach them how to be lions too. I am really good at it. Love you! Ali.